There are a lot of bad contracts in MLB right now. OK, there are ALWAYS a lot of bad contracts, but it seems like there is an inordinate amount this offseason. All these teams will talk about trying to find a way to dump their bad contracts, but nobody ever really seems to follow through on that. With Thanksgiving on the way, we here at The Outside Corner have decided to give ALL the teams the gift of a perfect plan for getting rid of their bad contracts all at once.
Starting off the festivities for us are the Yankees, but not with the bad contract you’re probably thinking of. No, they get the honor of sending the newly-emaciated corpse of CC Sabathia and his three-year, $53 million contract to the Phillies.
The Phillies are supposedly rebuilding, but they’ll gladly take a chance that Sabathia is ever able to get healthy enough to return to the mound and be useful if it gives them the opportunity to trade Ryan Howard and his three-year, $60 million contract. Yes, miracles really do happen sometimes. This would be a huge coup for the Phillies, though it does have the negative side effect that it might actually make Ruben Amaro Jr. look smart and allow him to keep his job for another year.
So where is Howard going, exactly? To the Angels. They need a left-handed power bat for their DH platoon and even Howard can’t be any worse than what Raul Ibanez gave them last year. The real reason they’re doing it is that in our deal, it allows them to offload the $90.2 million still owed to Josh Hamilton.
Which brings us back to the Yankees, who get stuck with the biggest contract in our swap meet and one of the biggest clubhouse headaches too. So why would they do this? Because it allows them to move the most hated player in the sports world: Alex Rodriguez.
A-Rod, his drama, and his $63 million contract are going all the way across the country to the Dodgers, who can easily afford him and who actually could kind of use him. They could install him at third or maybe even at short. Hell, if they were willing to play Hanley Ramirez there, how much can they really care about shortstop defense? Besides, what better place for A-Rod to try and write his redemption story than in Hollywood?
The real reason LA will take on A-Rod is that it finally gives them an opportunity trade Andre Ethier and his awful contract, which has $56 million remaining. They’ve literally been trying to move Ethier since he signed his extension, so this is a blessing for the Dodgers. It isn’t like they care about the money anyway.
Ethier heads out the door to Baltimore, but he’s carrying a little more money than the O’s probably care to take on. Either the Dodgers can eat the difference or they can lie and say the swarthy Ethier is of Greek descent so the Peter Angelos will gladly take on the money.
To help ease the blow of Ethier’s deal, the O’s get to move Ubaldo Jimenez (three years, $38.75 million left) back to Cleveland, a deal that might actually happen in real life because Cleveland is insane. Hey, if they think they can fix him, go for it.
This really could work out better for the Tribe because they not only get a pitcher that they actually want, for some reason, but they also get to rid themselves of the $30 million they still owe to Nick Swisher. He’ll be switching jobs, going from the Governor of Brohio to the Governor of MinneBrota.
With Swisher holding down the washed up outfielder but clubhouse leader type, the Twins get saved from voluntarily giving money to Torii Hunter’s retirement fund and they get to undo the free agent mistake of Ricky Nolasco, who is still owed $37 million.
Nolasco will be returning to where he belongs, the National League. The Braves will be the ones taking the chance on Nolasco’s stuff playing better on the Senior Circuit, but the real reason for involving Atlanta is because they need to rid themselves of Bossman Junior Upton.
B.J. and the $48.15 million left on his ugly contract will be headed to the Mets. Why? I don’t really know. They’re the Mets, and having a bad contract swap meet without them felt wrong. I guess the benefit is that they get a lousy outfielder, but a younger, overpaid, lousy outfielder than Curtis Granderson who is still owed a nearly identical $47 million.
But before we get to placing Granderson, let’s really make this worthwhile for the Mets and allow them to send the granddaddy of all bad contracts, that being the $1.19 million per year that is owed to Bobby Bonilla through 2035, to the Phillies. You didn’t really think we were letting them get out of the Ryan Howard contract that easily, did you?
Back to Curtis Granderson, who will be heading to the Chicago White Sox. That’s a lot of money for them to take on, but considering that they just gave $15 million to Zach Duke and $25 million to Adam LaRoche so that they can try to finish third in the AL Central, they clearly don’t care to much about fiscal responsibility right now. Granderson at least gives them another “veteran presence” like they were seeking when they tried to overpay Victor Martinez.
The South Siders won’t be eating all that money though – they do get to send out the two-year, $31.5 million contract of John Danks and send us down the home stretch of this crazy deal. Danks is beyond washed up, but he isn’t as washed up as Edwin Jackson, who Danks will be replacing with the Cubs. That’s great news for Danks because he doesn’t even need to move apartments. That’s even better news for the Cubs because Danks is at least usable while Jackson is not.
Don’t tell that to the Padres though because they are the lucky ones to get stuck with Edwin and his $26 million over two years. Why? Because they suddenly seem willing to start overpaying people (hi, Panda) and because they have the one ballpark in the majors that can turn any garbage pitcher into a mid-rotation starter.
Mostly though, we involved the Padres so that they can close this loop for us and send the $16.2 million bust that is Cameron Maybin to the Braves, who needed to eat some more money. There is no way they get to dump the lesser Upton brother AND save money at the same time.
So there it is. A 13-player, 12-team deal that kind-of, sort-of, but not really solves all the problems of all the assorted teams stuck with albatross contracts. Now let’s gets some GMs on the phone and make this thing happen. You can thank us later.
