It was reported earlier this week that the Chicago White Sox briefly considered making Paul Konerko their manager, even though he is still an active player. Had they gone through with it, it would have made Konerko the first player-manager since Pete Rose did it for the Reds in the mid-80’s. Having a player simultaneously serve as a star player and the team’s manager seems like a bad idea in this era of baseball, and that’s not just because it drove the last guy that tried it into gambling on his own team. There is simply too much for a player to do for him to be able to play well and manage effectively.
That being said, that doesn’t mean we can’t all dream about this scenario coming to pass. In fact, it got me thinking that if each team had to name a player-manager right here and now, who would it be? For some, the call is easy (gee, who would manage the Yankees?), for others… not so much. Here are the names I came up with for each team and why, feel free to make suggestions of your own… even though mine are clearly better.
New York Yankees = Derek Jeter. This might’ve been the easiest call of them all. I mean, do I really even need to explain it? The secret fun part about this would be to see how A-Rod would try and hide the fact that he is all butt-hurt and jealous that he didn’t get chosen.
Tampa Bay Rays = Sam Fuld. This was a really tough call because it is such a young team. I have no idea if Fuld has managerial chops, but the fans would love it and you know he would work his ass off.
Boston Red Sox = Jason Varitek. ‘Tek has long been the leader of the Red Sox clubhouse, at least when the pitchers aren’t in there with the beer, fried chicken and video games, and is likely to be a manager some day anyway.
Toronto Blue Jays = Jose Molina. Catchers have a knack for becoming managers, so Molina gets the nod here. Plus, he is such a boss behind the dish that you know he has a firm grasp on the in-game management aspects of the gig.
Baltimore Orioles = Jeremy Guthrie. I was tempted to say Alfredo Simon, just because you know everyone would be too scared to question his decisions. If we are being practical though, Guthrie is the elder statesman of the ballclub. Plus, if we are seriously considering having a Mormon as the next President of the United States of America, why can’t a Mormon manages the Orioles?
Detroit Tigers = Victor Martinez. Everywhere he goes, V-Mart quickly becomes one of the most beloved players in the clubhouse. It also doesn’t hurt that he is a catcher, not a good one, but it helps.
Cleveland Indians = Shelley Duncan. Another team that is ridiculously young. Shelley Duncan gets the nod here because his old man is one of the best pitching coaches to ever walk the earth, so maybe coaching runs in the genes.
Chicago White Sox = Paul Konerko. Kenny Williams already said it would be Konerko, and who am I to argue with him? I mean, he is the genius that just hired a full-time manager with no coaching experience whatsoever.
Kansas City Royals = Jason Kendall. This is kind of cheating because Kendall is an impending free agent and might retire, but nobody else on the KC roster makes sense.
Minnesota Twins = Joe Mauer. Considering that Mauer is an institution in Minnesota, he almost has to be the player-manager in this scenario, which is fictional, so I guess nobody really has to do anything, but still.
Texas Rangers = Michael Young. He’s Mr. Ranger and the team’s leader. He is the obvious man for the job and anointing him player-manager would be a nice way for the front office to make up for that whole “we tried like crazy to trade you last off-season” thing.
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim = Torii Hunter. Everyone loves Torii Hunter. Literally. Considering his frequent baserunning blunders, he might need some help on the tactical side, but he’ll win over the clubhouse in a nanosecond.
Oakland Athletics = Brian Fuentes. I know, a reliever as a manager? I’m serious about this though. Fuentes was the guy who had the cajones to call out Bob Geren for how poorly he was handling the bullpen and communicating with players. Being bold and fearless is a pre-requisite for any job. He’ll just need to sign a clause in his contract that prevents him from installing himself as closer.
Seattle Mariners = Ichiro Suzuki. Ichiro is an incredibly smart player, so he knows the game. While he has always been a bit of a loner, he is respected, like any good manager should be.
Philadelphia Phillies = Roy Halladay. There are a few ways this could go, but ultimately I settled on Doc, largely because of how mentally tough he has been over the years. He’ll need it to survive in this role in Philly.
Atlanta Braves = Chipper Jones. Another easy call. My only mandate is that he be referred to as “Larry” when he is managing.
Washington Nationals = Alex Cora. He’ll probably be a manager someday, he might as well start now.
New York Mets = Jason Isringhausen. He’s been around forever and served as a mentor in bullpens for the latter part of his career.
Florida Marlins = Logan Morrison. Don’t laugh. They hired Ozzie Guillen, who is basically LoMo in 25 years, so this might actually work.
Milwaukee Brewers = Nyjer Morgan. I don’t care if he isn’t the best man for the job. I simply demand seeing Tony Plush managing a ballclub.
St. Louis Cardinals = Albert Pujols. Pujols doesn’t get enough credit for how smart a player he is. He might be a little too intense for the job, but he’d probably be great at it if he can keep it in check.
Cincinnati Reds = Brandon Phillips. On sheer love for the game alone, Dat Dude gets the job in Cincy.
Pittsburgh Pirates = Garrett Jones. Well, I wanted to just take a pass on this one, but I figured a guy with the first name “Garrett” has to be pretty good at anything.
Chicago Cubs = Carlos Pena. Again, kind of cheating since he is going to be a free agent, but Pena has a reputation as being a great teammate and that’s good enough for me. Part of me wanted to go with Big Z though, just for the comedy.
Houston Astros = Clint Barmes. This is a stab in the dark. Barmes is one of the older Astros, so he has seniority. Plus managers seem to like him, otherwise why would they play him so much?
Arizona Diamondbacks = Geoff Blum. He’s been around for too long on too many teams serving as a utility guy to not have learned a thing or do about running a team.
San Francisco Giants = Orlando Cabrera. He’s always been considered a great teammate and had a great feel for the game. I just hope he has the stones to tell Brian Wilson to stop doing commercials.
Los Angeles Dodgers = Casey Blake. When in doubt, pick the oldest guy on the roster, especially if he has an awesome beard.
Colorado Rockies = Todd Helton. He IS the Rockies, so this is a no-brainer. In fact, I think the Rockies really should give this a try. He couldn’t possibly be any worse than Jim Tracy.
San Diego Padres = Orlando Hudson. The O-Dog is constantly hurt anyway, so he should have plenty of time to devote to the managerial side of the job.
OK, that was A LOT harder than I thought. Please, go ahead and correct me because I’m sure it will be necessary.
