Hey there, MLB fans! Is your team’s pitching staff looking a little weak? Could that old, flimsy rotation use a shot in the arm? Then we have the product for you!
Hi, Garrett Wilson here for Former Giant Pitching Prospects, the latest and greatest new asset for baseball teams the world over! If you saw this year’s All-Star Game then you have already seen what our product can do. Everyone thought Ryan Vogelsong was a washed up pitching prospect that we would never hear from again. Calling him a “has been” would’ve been a compliment since he was more like a “never was.” Until now!!!
With our top secret, patented rejuvenation process we’ve turned Ryan Vogelsong from a pitching zero into a pitching hero! Heck, he might even get some Cy Young votes this year. Can you name any other systems that can deliver that kind of result? But the San Francisco Giants aren’t our only satisfied customer, and satisfied they are!
Just check our newest client, the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. Wait, what? Is this script right? That’s really their name? They realize it makes no sense, right? Anyway, those lovable Halos recently purchased Jerome Williams, one of our top former Giant pitching prospects in the inventory. They’ve been so impressed with his revamped skills, and his fashionable puka shell necklace, that they just called him up the majors! You heard me right. They are so confident, so pleased with what they purchased in Williams that they brought him up to the majors to replace a rookie pitcher who came into the season as their own top pitching prospect, and they are doing it IN THE MIDDLE OF A PLAYOFF RACE!!! You can’t buy that kind of a product endorsement.
And now YOU can have a Former Giant Pitching Prospect of your own.
For the low, low price of $29.99 you can have your very own Jesse Foppert! Please allow 4 to 6 weeks for shipping… and to allow him to give notice to the Marin Catholic High School so that they can find a new pitching coach. Go Wildcats!!!
Or if you want to go with something cheaper, we can send you Kurt Ainsworth, including a refurbished shoulder, for our special introductory price of $19.99. Act fast though because this offer is only good for the next 60 minutes!!!
If neither of those choices tickle your fancy, don’t fret because we have ANOTHER special offer for you. Operators are now standing by to take your special pre-order for our new Noah Lowry model, going on sale this fall!
But be warned, fans. Supplies are limited!
Call in the next 20 minutes and we’ll throw in William Van Landingham for FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
