In this day and age of social media technology, Twitter specifically, tracking rumors at the trade deadline have gone from fun pasttime to almost a full-time job. Reporters from every outlet are sending out little snippets of trade rumors as tweets so fast that they make the Fail Whale want to cry. What is a fan to do to try and make sense of these often cryptic messages that portend to be some kind of news? How can one separate the filler from the actual juicy news?
Allow us to help you make this trade deadline a bit easier by way of this handy-dandy Twitter-to-English translation guide:
“Team X is having “substantive” talks about Player A.”
TRANSLATION: I have nothing new to report on these negotiations, but I needed to post some kind of update so it seemed like I was actually have news even though absolutely nothing has changed. I mean, “substantive?” Come on, it isn’t like the two teams were just having casual conversations about the player before while shooting the breeze about the last episode of The Bachelorette.
“Chances are better than 50/50 that Team X will trade Player A”
TRANSLATION: The team still isn’t sure what they are going to do and is probably going to change their minds seven more times before the weekend, but I just wanted to stir the pot. 50.00001/49.99999 is technically better than 50/50, right?
“Team X is now considered the leader to land Player A”
TRANSLATION: A deal isn’t imminent in any way shape or form, but the last team I talked to was Team X, therefore they are in the lead until the GM for Team Y returns my voicemail.
“Hearing that Team X has inquired about Player A”
TRANSLATION: Granted, I heard it from a Starbucks barista, but it still counts as a rumor. I just hope nobody asks me if Team Y actually listened to said inquiry for more than five seconds.
“SOURCES: #Team X, #Team Y and #Team Z still in the mix for Player A”
TRANSLATION: I am well aware that this is nothing new, but I wanted to use as many hashtags as possible so that I can get my follower count up past 10,000.
“Most MLB officials think Player A going to Team A is inevitable”
TRANSLATION: This is my not so subtle way of trying to call my shot without actually having confirmation from a real source, that way I can say I reported it first and look like a genius if it goes down. If it doesn’t, I have plausible deniability. Aren’t I clever?
“Confirmed that Team X and Team Y have deal in place for Player A”
TRANSLATION: Crap! Someone already beat me to this story!!! Now I have to say something to make it seem like I got the scoop too even though all I am really doing is confirming that the other reporter is right and better thus better than me.
“Word is Team X and Team Y are getting closer on Player A”
TRANSLATION: Would these two GMs hurry up already? I’ve already written up the story and am ready to send it to my editor, but these guys would rather waste my time while they argue over which fourth fringe prospect is going to be included in the trade package. Maybe if I tweet this same line every five minutes I can pressure them into consummating the deal?
“Team X is letting it be known that Player A is on the trading block”
TRANSLATION: I am tweeting this as a favor for INSERT GM NAME HERE. He is desperate to get someone to take Alfonso Soriano’s Player A’s horrid contract off the books and is hoping that he can use the media to lure some sucker into making him an offer.
“No word on what Plan B for Team X is after missing out on Player A but Player B and Player C are possibilities”
TRANSLATION: I can’t say that I don’t know what Team X is going to do next because that would make me sound stupid and just waste everyone’s time, so I am going to mention some players that I, personally, think would be good fits even if it sends their respective fan bases into a frenzy for no good reason.
