I know that there is probably a much deeper meaning behind the existence of Jose Canseco. He’s like a mystery wrapped in side a paradox with a side of irony sauce. He is the human equivalent of a Paradox Wrap. I interviewed Jesse Thorn on the podcast a few weeks back. The topic, or, rather the idea of Canseco came up in passing. His being, his essence is that of an ironic wall poster. It is almost as if, through some crack in the space-time continuum, the wall poster Jose Canseco came to life. It’s almost as if the wall poster Jose Canseco became real and defeated the real Jose Canseco. I’m not sure how Ozzie fits into this scenario (then again, I’m not too sure how Ozzie Canseco fits into any scenario).
Horrible Dr. Who fan fiction scenarios involving Poster Canseco’s aside, I kind of feel for him. To be honest, I think I feel for him mostly because I don’t think I could ever put myself into the public ether of things and stuff without utilizing spell-check. I mean no ill will toward the man. I would actually love to have him on the podcast to chat. I say this without any irony. Almost. He is iconic. He is a cosmic force of nature. Because he is an iconic force of cosmic nature, he should have someone around to edit his tweets. Here are a few gems (and by gems, I mean, here are his last six).
Leila please remove all and any pics you have of me on both ur Facebook pages thank you
Hi baby can’t wait to c u in Vegas
I wish leila and her new boyfriend the best of luck
I want to apologize to leila for what I said about her .she is a kind and beautiful person who deserves better than me
Stop hateing and start loving
I am fighting an apponent I can’t win against my heart
Honestly, I really don’t know where to begin. I know he has troubles with women. This is not an uncommon thing to befall men of great power and strength. The first post in the series is the most revealing (albeit unintentionally so). I am fighting an apponent I can’t win against my heart. It is both wildly confusing and sort of beautiful. I can’t tell if the apponent is this leila, or if it is his actual heart. Either way, the existence of the post is enough to blow my mind. The message, whatever it may be, is both lost and found in the wild grammatical forest of tweets that seem to litter his feed.
Again, it might mean nothing, it might mean everything, but whatever the case, he really ought, at the very least, take a minute to spell-out your, see, and you. I can appreciate the fluctuations in punctuation and general English language mechanics, but the effect would be more riveting, more interesting, if words were spelled correctly, and in full. I would appreciate it, the world would appreciate it, and lord knows it might make leila think twice about her new relationship.
Jesse Gloyd is a writer. He lives in Los Angeles. Sometimes he can be found writing about things at his blog Buckshot Boogaloo. He also may, or may not, be associated with The Buckshot Boogaloo Podcast, a weekly show featuring luminaries from the world(s) of comedy, music, film, and sport. You can follow him on twitter @buckcast.
